Stella now lives in Shenzhen. She is a petite and delicate Sichuan girl who has a decent and stable job in a securities company, and her other half is gentle and considerate. The years are quiet and good.A few years ago, she was studying in the United States. When she graduated, she left the continent as if she were fleeing despite the advice of her family. Now, when she mentions this experience, she will think of “Hotel California”, which was repeated in MP3 at that time.
She said that this song always reminds her of how lonely and helpless she was in Minnesota. That winter, she worked as an intern in a company, and it was snowing heavily every day. It was extremely cold. She was wrapped in a thick down jacket and went to work by bus alone. The faint lights, the sparse pedestrians on the road, the tiredness of work, and the almost indifferent estrangement between colleagues. I persist every day and encourage myself every day, but I always feel empty. I feel that this place is very prosperous and beautiful in the eyes of outsiders, but it doesn’t belong to me.
Stella said, “We are all just principals here, of our own device, And in the master’s chambers, They gathered for the fear, They stab it with their steely knives, But they just can’t kill the beat.” ””We are actually just prisoners here, willing to be driven by ourselves. In the master’s room, we gather in front of the banquet, waving steel knives and forks, but we cannot kill the demons in our hearts.”
“Hotel California” depicts the helplessness, sadness, and hypocrisy beneath the ostensible extravagance. It is full of revelations, but there is no sense of belonging, which exactly matches Stella’s state at that time: like a prisoner, without a sense of happiness, unable to find the way to the present, and panicking about the future.
After leaving the United States, the baptism of years has gradually matured Stella. Now, looking back at that memory, the unpleasant parts have gradually faded, and instead, memories have arisen. It is a nostalgia for youth, mixed with sadness, but also contains relief and strength.
Stella said that in those years, there were two options: to stay in the United States and work hard to support in exchange for an unknown future, and to return to China and directly accept a stable job in a first-tier city. She finally chose the latter, leaving the seemingly prosperous but desolate place within herself. And when you give up an option, you give up a possibility of life. As time goes by, the beautiful vision that another option may bring will gradually emerge, mingled with your own imagination, and constantly swirled in your mind.
I asked Stella if she regretted it? She said that sometimes there are also some regrets, feeling that due to her weakness, she may have given up a better and freer life. But she also understands that any choice has its advantages and disadvantages, that any kind of life will have its disadvantages, and that not every place is suitable for her own survival. If you really stay in the United States and continue to endure those loneliness and loneliness, it may be even more painful.
Now she still listens to “Hotel California,” a familiar melody that contains a hint of sadness and sweetness. It reflects her youth, another possibility in her life.
